Monday, August 10, 2015

Movie Monday: Mission Impossible -- Rogue Nation (Spoilers)

 

Spoony: Rises up out of the grass with a pair of binoculars
Nostalgia Critic: Spoony, what's your status?
Spoony: Is looking at a plane with cargo inside Uhh, the movie has boarded the plane.
Nostalgia Critic: What?! You were supposed to keep the movie OFF the plane! That was the whole point!
Spoony: Well, we're going to Plan B. More like Plan F. We're really not good at our jobs.
Nostalgia Critic: Where's Ayen?
Spoony: I don't know.
Nostalgia Critic: You don't know?!
Spoony: Will you stop yelling in my ear?
Nostalgia Critic: YELLING IS ALL I KNOW HOW TO DO!
Linkara: Don't worry, Critic, we'll get those movies off that plane!
Nostalgia Critic: Linkara? What are you doing there? You're supposed to be in Chicago.
Linkara: I am in Chicago, but I finished early and Spoony needed my help.
Spoony: I didn't need help, I needed assistance. It's not the same thing.
Nostalgia Critic/Linkara: Yes it is!
Linkara: Sending the layout of the plane now!
Spoony: Got it!
Nostalgia Critic: The movie's still on the plane.
Spoony: Yes, we know, the movie is still on the plane!
Nostalgia Critic: No, you don't understand. If that plane takes off Transformers 5 WILL premiere in movie theaters all across the globe! I don't know if the world can survive another one. Can you kill the engine?
Spoony: No.
Nostalgia Critic: Electrical?
Spoony: No.
Ayen: Can you open the door?
Nostalgia Critic: Ayen? Where are you?
Ayen: I'm outside of the plane. Spoony, can you open the door?
Spoony: Yeah, that seems doable.
Ayen: I'm going in.

Linkara: Who's Ayen, again?
Ayen: Jumps onto the side of the plane and hangs on Now, Spoony!
Spoony: Just hold on! Is completing a quick-time-event to get the door open
The plane runs down the runway and starts to lift off into the air.
Ayen: Is hanging on for dear life
Nostalgia Critic: Spoony, you get that door open!
Spoony: Working on it! Succeeds in opening the door!
Back of the plane opens up.
Ayen: The OTHER door!
Spoony: Right, sorry!
Nostalgia Critic: Goddammit, Spoony! If you don't get that door open then so help me I'll – I'll recite Highlander 2 lines in your ear.
Spoony: You wouldn't.
Nostalgia Critic: We're looking at the most successful and laziest set of movies the world has ever known. I don't have anything to lose.
Spoony: Completes the QTE quicker and gets the right door open How's that?
Ayen: Slams right into the inner plane wall and passes out
Spoony: Ayen? Ayen?

“Michael Bay's Transformers 5 is the highest grossing film in history!” – The Latest Entertainment
“Michael Bay is now the richest man alive!” – Variety
“Transformers 5 is the worst of the Transformers movies to date, but director Michael Bay promises that “Transformers 6 will be even more detestable!” – ET
“Internet critics sent to jail after failed heist on Michael Bay's private jet.” – Deadline

Cut to: The critics sitting in prison
Ayen: So... has anyone here seen the new Mission Impossible movie?


Mission Impossible – Rogue Nation is the fifth movie in the Mission Impossible franchise distributed by Paramount Pictures and produced by three separate production companies including Skynet Skydance Productions. Tom Cruise reprises his role as Ethan Hunt to take down the Syndicate, an international criminal consortium. For this mission he'll need comic relief, sexual tension, and Hawkeye.

  Road Rash 3D!

Ethan Hunt is an IMF Agent who goes rogue after the IMF is shut down by the CIA and begins chasing Hunt down while Hunt tries to track down the Syndicate, but more specifically, the leader who shot a woman he knew for a couple of minutes after bonding over classical music.

There isn't much in ways of character development as far as I can see. I'm assuming the character had more depth that's been explored in the previous movies, so that gives this one the advantage to jump right into the action. I never seen the older movies, so I can't say. The guy likes classical, has a strong sense of right and wrong, and is very good at what he does. Say what you will about Tom Cruise, but the man can act when he wants to.

  You know the difference between you and me? I make this look good.

Meet Benji Dunn, another IMF Agent who works with Ethan and is a laugh out loud riot. Benji supports Ethan throughout the movie in tracking down the Syndicate, and proves to be a loyal friend to the end. He even turns into a hostage near the climax of the movie and gets strapped to a bomb. The poor guy. Wait, a guy rescuing a guy? INCONCIVENABLE!

Benji is an expert hacker and was only promoted to an IMF Agent as of Mission Impossible 4. Anything you need help hacking into, he can do it. Just don't ask him to open any doors. I don't know if he got into any skirmishes in the last two movies, but he sort of does fight with a guy in a way that only Simon Pegg can. 

  ELBOW DROP!

Ilsa Faust is a spy for British Intelligence tasked with infiltrating the Syndicate, and is doing just fine until Ethan comes to foil her at every single turn. But not on purpose. Ilsa, not wanting to see the man tortured, opts to helps him escape from the Syndicate at the risk of losing trust with the Syndicate's leader putting her in one dangerous spot after another.

They try to play the whole “whose side is she on” motif, but it's obvious from the beginning that she's going to choose Ethan's team in the end. She's seen kicking just as much ass as the men, and isn't played only for sex appeal. You get a shot of her legs and ass, that's about it. Tame compared to other things I've seen.

  Initiate badass mode.

William Brandt made his debut in the last Mission Impossible and returns in this one as both an ally to Ethan and speaking on behalf of the IMF to the Supreme Court. He briefly works for the CIA after the IMF is shut down and works directly with Luther to find Ethan before the CIA.

Now, in the case of William, they actually do manage to make you believe he's betraying Ethan after observing Ethan and thinking he's going crazy over the Syndicate case, and if there's one thing Tom Cruise can play very well, it's crazy. Only for it all to be a hoax in order to convince the leader of the CIA that the Syndicate was real by having the British government confess to it. Is it just me or are the British always playing bad guys?

  Black Linkara.

Meet the only other character besides Ethan who's been around since the beginning, Luther Stickell. You need to find somebody? He's your guy. Luther is pushed to the background like William when you compare him to the first three characters I listed, but the scenes he is in are still good.

He has some pretty good banter going on with William that's pretty fun to watch. Apart from that, there isn't much to be said. Luther is a likeable enough guy and has a “don't fuck with me” vibe about him. I think it's the cowboy hat. Growing up with shows like Walker Texas Ranger has taught me never to fuck with a man who wears a cowboy hat.

  This guy...

The second original character for MI 5 is Alan Hunley, Director of the CIA. He's kind of a dick. Hunley is responsible for shutting down the IMF and leads a manhunt for Ethan through most of the movie. It isn't until around the third act that he's finally shown the truth and becomes less of a dick.

Not that you can entirely blame him at first since there's no evidence that the Syndicate exists, but despite that his character development can be summed up in going from a dick to less of a dick. Oh, and he becomes the new IMF Secretory. I thought that might have been Ilsa at first, but I guess the film wanted to swerve the audience.

  I'm going to expose myself to you by killing this stranger because... why not?

Solomon Lane is the leader of the Syndicate, a project meant to give agents the ability to perform missions without oversight and have the funds to do so. The project was hijacked by Lane who chose to go after those in charge of “the system” instead, but in order to do that he needs the data that has all the money on it.

Sean Harris does an excellent job of making this character despicable and you're impatiently waiting for him to get his comeuppance. When it finally does happen though, it's kind of anticlimactic. I was expecting a big one on one fight scene between Lane and Hunt, and the most we get is Lane firing some bullets at him and being trapped inside a box taken out by knockout gas like he did to Hunt in the first act. That was clever in a “What's goes around, comes around” way, but kind of a letdown. I guess they're leaving it open for him to return in Mission Impossible 6.

  This is what happens when you're late for your flight.

The action and special effects in the movie is awesome. The people hoping to see that classic spy movie feel from the first movie are going to be left disappointed (I don't think anyone was expecting it at this rate, though), but for a summer action movie it's pretty great. There's plenty of stuff going on to keep your attention and characters you genuinely root for. The plane scene was just as awesome as the trailer suggested, though I'm gutted it was just the opening scene.

Ethan Hunt's team is successful, Ilsa rides off into the sunset, and everything is set up nicely for the sequel they're already in talks of making. While there are some predictable moments, Rogue Nation is an enjoyable movie overall and as someone who has never seen a single Mission Impossible movie, I was able to follow along with the plot just fine, so it's not mandatory to binge the other movies going in. Though that probably wouldn't be a bad thing if you're interested in the series.

Get it

Ayen: So, what did you think?
Nostalgia Critic: You do know that part of being a comic, slash, critic is reviewing things you hate, right? I review bad movies.
Linkara: I review bad comic books.
Spoony: And I ban people from live streams.
Nostalgia Critic: Is that all you do now?
Spoony: I still talk about bad movies occasionally.
Ayen: I review plenty of things I hate. I reviewed Pixels just this past week.
Linkara: Yeah, but you gave it the same rating as Ant-Man.
Nostalgia Critic/Spoony: What!?
Nostalgia Critic: Get him!
The three jump up from the floor and rush Ayen all at once. Repeatedly punching him in the face and kicking him on the ground as smoke rises over them in a cartoon fashion, and the scene fades to black as Ayen cries out in pain.

FIN

Disclaimer: Ayen's Reviews are not associated with Channel Awesome, Nostalgia Critic, Linkara, or The Spoony Experiment. The characters used in these sketches are for parody uses only.

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