Movie Monday: American Ultra (Spoilers)

American Ultra is a new action-comedy starring Jesse Eisenberg and Kristen Stewart as a stoner couple. Life is normal until a government douchebag sends some agent douchebags to kill the stoner causing him to discover that he was actually a government experiment all this time capable of killing people with household items. I think I've seen this somewhere before. Anyway, let's take a trip to American Ultra!

Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back

Here's something I haven't touched in a while, Crash Bandicoot. The first game was the second review I ever did. Can't believe it's been four years since I came back to this series. Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back was released in 1997, only one year after the original, and picks up right where the last one left off.

This time around instead of rescuing a damsel in distress, you're collecting 25 Slave Crystals on Earth for Dr. N. Cortex who is pretending to be using them to save the world. In reality, he's just using Crash to achieve his own ends. Give the guy some credit, using your own worst enemy to your advantage like that is pretty clever. Too bad it makes Crash look like an idiot. Cortex isn't exactly the greatest at disguising his intentions. I can still smell the amounts of bullshit long after turning the game off.

Movie Monday: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (Spoilers)

The Man From U.N.C.L.E. is a British-American action comedy spy film based off the television series that ran from 1964 to 1968 starring Henry Cavill, Armie Hammer, Alicia Vikander, Elizabeth Debicki, and Hugh Grant.

The film takes place in the 1960's during the Cold War bringing together a secret agent from America, and Russia, with the assistance of a daughter of a Nazi scientist, to stop a nuclear bomb being made by a team led by a wealthy couple in Rome.

Battletoads & Double Dragon

Battletoads & Double Dragon is a side-scroll beat 'em up developed by Rare that came out for the NES, Genesis, SNES, and Game Boy in 1993. For the first, and only time, we get to see two of the hardest beat 'em up games out there combine into one kick-ass adventure! For use of this review we're going to be looking at the Genesis version because it was my childhood and the SNES version sucks! You heard me.

The title screen gives us our selection of one and two players. Two players is separated by mode A and B which basically means do you want friendly fire on or off? I don't know why anyone would want to play Mode A. One of you would have to stand back during all the boss fights or you'd just hit each other. There's no advantage to it. Once you decided on a mode you can start your game.

Movie Monday: Fantastic Four (Spoilers)

Fade in: House Party

Ayen: Throws up on his shoes

Ralph: You need to learn to hold down your liquor, dude.

Ayen: I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm going to be o– Throws up again

Zira: Gulps down a keg

Elliot/Jason: Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

Zira: Finishes and raises arms in victory

Elliot/Jason: Celebrates with her

Ayen: Guys, guys! I have a great idea! We should use that highly advanced transporter we've been working so hard on and be the first to go to a different dimension!

The others look at Ayen blankly.

Ralph: Ayen, you're drunk.

Ayen: No, no, guys. It's a great idea. We can go and be back before they even know we're gone, even though they have hundreds of people monitoring the machine in all hours of the days and night.

The Others: … Okay!

Ten Minutes Later

Super Mario Sunshine (Spoilers)

Super Mario Sunshine is an action-adventure, platformer for the Nintendo GameCube that originally came out in 2002, featuring none other than the infamous Italian plumber himself, Mario. Mario, Princess Peach, Toadsworth, and some Toads from her kingdom are visiting Isle Delfino for a much needed vacation. What, Luigi wasn't invited? He saves your ass in the last game and that doesn't earn him a vacation!?

Unfortunately, when they arrive the entire island is covered in graffiti (I personally blame the rap music) that is caused by an impostor Mario. Mario is tasked with the responsibility of cleaning up the entire island even though they just got there and Mario has a plane full of witnesses to account for his whereabouts at the time of the incident. The Isle Delfino court system is bullshit!

Movie Monday: Mission Impossible -- Rogue Nation (Spoilers)

 

Spoony: Rises up out of the grass with a pair of binoculars

Nostalgia Critic: Spoony, what's your status?

Spoony: Is looking at a plane with cargo inside Uhh, the movie has boarded the plane.

Nostalgia Critic: What?! You were supposed to keep the movie OFF the plane! That was the whole point!

Spoony: Well, we're going to Plan B. More like Plan F. We're really not good at our jobs.

Nostalgia Critic: Where's Ayen?

Spoony: I don't know.

Nostalgia Critic: You don't know?!

Spoony: Will you stop yelling in my ear?

Nostalgia Critic: YELLING IS ALL I KNOW HOW TO DO!

Linkara: Don't worry, Critic, we'll get those movies off that plane!

Nostalgia Critic: Linkara? What are you doing there? You're supposed to be in Chicago.

Linkara: I am in Chicago, but I finished early and Spoony needed my help.

Spoony: I didn't need help, I needed assistance. It's not the same thing.

Nostalgia Critic/Linkara: Yes it is!

Linkara: Sending the layout of the plane now!

Spoony: Got it!

Nostalgia Critic: The movie's still on the plane.

Spoony: Yes, we know, the movie is still on the plane!

Nostalgia Critic: No, you don't understand. If that plane takes off Transformers 5 WILL premiere in movie theaters all across the globe! I don't know if the world can survive another one. Can you kill the engine?

Spoony: No.

Nostalgia Critic: Electrical?

Spoony: No.

Ayen: Can you open the door?

Nostalgia Critic: Ayen? Where are you?

Ayen: I'm outside of the plane. Spoony, can you open the door?

Spoony: Yeah, that seems doable.

Ayen: I'm going in.